Cavar::[sarah]

toward a future we have been / before

If we correctly acknowledge recent and ongoing anti-trans, and particularly anti-trans youth, legislation, as well as longstanding c/overt efforts to genetically detect, isolate, and destroy this nebulous monster called “autism” in ever-younger children as well as fetuses in utero, as eugenics, we see that efforts at “curing” autism and denials of trans childrens’ bodily autonomy are not merely efforts to stymy individual behavior, but efforts to shape a future in which we never existed in the first place.

correspondence nostalgia (part 1: dear diary)

Blog readers are to Blog as the front row is to performance. Yet Blog is also personal. Blog is (or, given the form’s steep decline in popularity over the last decade, was) curated and semipersonalized intimacy, the process of CC’ing personal reflections to a hundred or a thousand of your closest friends.

when good things happen to bad years

If pressed, I’d call 2020 the best awful year I’ve ever had.

dispatch in the midst/math

A black garbage bin and two green recycling bins, each marked by the word "Pence."

It’s Sunday, the midst/math is over, and I finally feel together-enough to post.

3 weeks in

An arced bridge at the UC Davis Arboretum.

I don’t think I fully believed I would be Living in California until I got here, and even then, it was iffy.

things I hope to remember

I don’t know how to say goodbye to this house, not only because my memory keeps it close, but also because it hasn’t quite sunk in yet that I am Moving Out.

cavar, sarah, & the they we are

Several patches of sweetgrass, in the center of which stands a sign labeled "Hierochloe odorata."

This (k)new name, for me, is not a tie-cut but an invitation.

[reading list] BLACK MAD LIVES MATTER

Against a mustard-yellow background is a raised black fist with an infinity sign on its wrist, accompanied by the words "black disabled lives matter."

Last Updated 2/04/21 [If you’re in need, find a comprehensive list of mental health resources here.] Black people stim. Black people have intrusive thoughts — including violent ones. Black people hear and see things others do not hear or see. Black people have panic attacks. Black people have meltdowns. Black people are hyperactive. Black peopleContinue reading “[reading list] BLACK MAD LIVES MATTER”

A hearty hand-flap for Mel Baggs

Mel Baggs, wearing glasses and a brown button-down shirt, faces the camera with a knitting project balanced on their chest. A grey and white cat sits perched on their shoulder.

Mel lived every day in direct defiance of death. As in, laughing heartily and heavily in the face of death, all between poems and blog posts and crochet patterns.

oh glorious routine

Mount holyoke seniors parade past Safford Hall holding a blue and white "2020" banner.

All day it’s felt like winter break. No, all day it’s felt like an interminable scene posing as winter break, not doing particularly well at it, because rather than leaving me warm it’s leaving me hollow. I did my usual routine today, the one I’ve grown intimately familiar with in this week that’s felt bothContinue reading “oh glorious routine”